I SUMMON THEE

“Rah, rah, ah, ah, ah.”

With each step towards the cliffs edge, she dragged along her polar bear skin. In his sunken, black, resin-encased eyes, she could see the accusation of her betrayal gleaming up at her, but she ignored it. His death was unimportant in the grand scheme of things. It had been quick—she made him a delicious sandwich using Wonderbread, Miracle Whip, and copious amounts of poison. After bathing in his blood and turning his raw meat into a dress, she had labored all night to hand-sew his drying skin into the proper ceremonial fur cloak. If she hadn’t been so familiar with bathing in bleach on a daily basis she might have passed out from the fumes. But now he was pure and they were ready.

“Roma, roma, mamaa.”

Below her, she could see her cult of gangbanging rapists in their beloved bicycle shorts. They were old friends from her time as a nun in the Church of Androgyny. By desecrating her vow of chastity, they were the ones that had enlightened her and showed her the true way of the orgy. Why they had chosen her—she would never know. Perhaps it was for the fact that she was a hermaphrodite and each of the men were various shades of gay. Perhaps not. She watched as they danced, their bowl-haircuts sashaying majestically with each of their wild movements. Her only regret was that they could never replace Alejandro, Fernandro, or even Roberto.

“Gaga, ooh, la, la.”

She slipped her arm from the sleeve and held it back dramatically, striking the demonic pose that had she had discovered carved into the concrete walls in her cell from her brief stint in prison. A loud, deafening crack echoed through the entire cavern. Furious beams of light broke through the rocks, blinding all. The ground quivered as the earth parted, making way for the unnatural beast. He slowly emerged from the ground, glowing eyes beholding the sacrifices that encircled him. He let loose a powerful roar that shook them all to the very core. The men bowed before the almighty beast, unaware of their impending doom—but she knew. She closed her eyes.

“Rise to me, Chtulhu.”


If you think this is funny, thank you for having a good sense of humor.



I was wondering if I should submit this or not. Just for shits and giggles, don't take it too seriously. XD




Wonderful story©
Art by me